From West to East, East to West, and West to East

I sat down at my computer after much reflection the other night, putting all of my thoughts down on the keyboard. I figured I might post my "journey" on Reddit to see what everyone thought. After posting, it was suggested that it be put into a blog...so, I figured I would start an actual blog.

The topic of the first post is: What brought me to the door to give knocks? What did I find as a young Mason? What's going on now? I start here with part 1:

The night was finally here; excitement and fear beyond words. Sitting in my car outside of a meeting hall, my initiation night was finally here. Months of waiting, reading on the fraternity history, symbols, and precepts, would finally culminate into this experience. I could look around the parking lot and see the cars containing my 13 other brothers, the initial group of this colony that we were helping to create.

All of us were "associate members", having already experienced our " associate member ceremony". The ceremony was executed in a brightly lit room beneath the student union and attended by friend, family, and faculty from our university. The proceedings were performed by another chapter of the group which was appointed by the international headquarters. Newly minted brothers, as we were, all working blindly for this fraternity that we ourselves weren't even full members of.

How can one even act as the "Ritual Chairman" when he himself has not been initiated? It was an interesting situation to say the least, but I dove headfirst into the part. Reading on the history, original symbols, and even the ritual of an organization we absorbed in 1939, I sought to bring a sense of esotericism without even witnessing the penultimate ceremony of our organization.

The time came when someone exited from the church, looked towards our cars, and motioned to us. Nervously we all exited our cars, vested in our finest suits, and entered a darkened hall through an outer door. "Everyone put a mask on", said a brother from the appointed assisting chapter. One by one, we all placed these masks on and were whisked away to a room located at the top of a flight of stairs.

Instructed by an advisor from the international headquarters, we all changed our clothing arrangements and were prepared for the ceremony. Candles lighting symbols we don't understand and the faint recitation of words alien to us made our situation abundantly clear: whatever we were going to experience was going to change all of us in a matter of hours. We were told by multiple brothers and alumni the same thing about this event: "you'll remember three things throughout your life; your marriage, the birth of your first child, and your initiation".

A dimly lit room with hooded figures greets you. Your senses flare up to a near superhuman level. The cold on your skin, the smell of tapered candles, your eyes adjusting to the dark, and the words being spoken, all becoming etched in your mind. Each syllable you hear is incomparably important as the last. Your attention to everything is as high as it can be.

The ceremony progresses and you learn that your fears were unfounded and that this organization stands for something larger than yourself. Not only larger than you, but larger than your small group of 14, and again larger than an entire international organization. Just as the ceremony is about to end you learn that three Greek letters, a small gold badge, and a coat of arms designed over 100 year earlier, have become a hidden charge for you to become a better person for the benefit of all mankind.

The feeling you had before this night, that the whole organization might be based on hokum, hazing, drinking, or the a combination of the three, is completely gone. You stand with 13 other men in complete amazement and awe. Your words and actions must now stand in line with what you've been charged to uphold. The Greek letters you may wear must now be unsullied by immature behavior and immoral action.

Now initiated, I saw the daunting task that lay before me. I needed to know everything about this ritual so that I may impress upon the minds of those who would walk after me. To use this knowledge for good, when it could be used for evil. I studied the texts, researched their meanings, and made sure my cohorts were instilled with the same passion and knowledge that I myself had. The end of the ceremony is not the end of my quest for wisdom and learning; it was just the beginning.

I realized, much to my chagrin, that many use this ritual of initiation to simply bring new members into the fraternity. Not to instill faith, hope, and love, but as a means to an end. To put it into another perspective, as something "we have to do", like a chore that no one wants to do. A great power untapped and haphazardly bestowed upon men who would never realize the full potential of the event.

Of course when it seemed that all was right, I found myself walking off of an outdoor stage with my diploma. No longer was I an active member in the organization, but an alumni who is set to watch from the sidelines. Not much can be done with the group and even less can be impressed upon those who walk in your steps as an alumni member. To stay and attempt to hold onto whatever sway you once had is futile; it brings contempt and discontent between you and the organization you once loved. When you do attempt to stay, you only fool yourself into the belief that the organization can only survive with your guiding hand.

The world outside of the college walls begins to move quickly. Your alumni brothers move away, enter careers, marry, father children, and generally lose the ability to keep in touch. The bond is still there, but those nights in the chapter room debating ritual have ended. I fought with this fact for a long time and decided that my search for more knowledge could not end in this manner. Seeking more light, I would petition a Masonic Lodge in my area.

I knew that my undergraduate fraternity was influenced by Freemasonry and thought it best to go straight to the source of knowledge that I had become acquainted. Contacting a lodge I lived nearby returned an "Undeliverable" email to my inbox. A phone call ended in an eternal busy signal. I found myself pounding at the door with no one answering. The lodge no longer existed; it had merged long ago with another but it was still listed in the states directory...